Wedding Day First Look - Yes or No?

Do you envision seeing your beloved significant other for the first time on your wedding day as you walk down the aisle toward them? Or, do you see yourselves having a private moment together before the ceremony to see each other for the first time?

Phew, that’s a big decision!

When helping my clients create their photography timeline for their wedding, one of the first questions I always ask is, “Do you want to do a first look or see each other for the first time at the ceremony?” Surprisingly, this is one of the biggest decisions my couples often have to make!

And here’s the worst part… I love both! So in response, I often ask my couples a few questions to help guide them in their choice.

Do you want to keep with tradition?

Wedding days are filled with traditions, from something borrowed, blue, old, and new, to a mile-high bouquet toss, traditions abound when it comes to your big day. And, keeping with these traditions can either be just a fun way to plan your wedding or they might hold a special meaning to this important milestone in your life. 

The particular tradition of not seeing one another before the ceremony dates back to pre-18th century weddings when arranged marriages were common. It was deemed “unlucky” for a couple to see each other before the ceremony. This was in an attempt to keep the groom from backing out of a wedding upon seeing his bride for the first time - at the altar! 

Thankfully, in modern weddings, the reasoning behind the tradition is a bit outdated; however, you may still value that feeling of “luck” behind the lore. And for many, it may just feel like a meaningful symbol to keep that sense of tradition on your wedding day.

Are you an outwardly or privately emotional person?

We’ve all seen {and probably loved} the videos of the grooms completely losing it the second they see their brides-to-be walking toward them. And as a photographer, I can’t wait to capture those tears! But there are many people who would much prefer to keep their displays of emotion a tad less public. Hey, I get it, I’m personally a red, snotty mess when I cry! 

If you’re a bit nervous about those emotions being on full display when you first see your significant other, a first look might be your best option. You may also just wish to have that moment of seeing each other for the first time, tears or not, be a private memory you share together. 

Does your significant other calm your nerves?

Wedding day jitters are a very real thing! I swear Tums and Pepto have a stake in the wedding industry. Whether you’re nervous about being in front of a crowd, or are feeling the overwhelming emotions of the day, it’s not uncommon to be a ball of nerves. 

For many, the person who helps to calm them down the most is their significant other. If this sounds like you, a first look might be the best option! A first look will allow you to spend some time with your person, decompress, and have some calming moments before walking down the aisle. 

Are there timeline factors to consider?

Planning a 5 p.m. ceremony in December? Chances are, it will be dark after! Often, a first look versus no first look comes down to timeline factors. Weather, lighting, venue timelines, and other timing of events throughout the day may just make the decision for you. 

For instance, a first look may be necessary to ensure you can capture those important full wedding party and couple’s photos to take advantage of daylight before the ceremony. On the other hand, you may not have time for a first look if you and your spouse-to-be are at separate locations leading up to the ceremony. 

The good news is, that as you are creating your timeline for your day, if one or the other appeals more to you, you can plan your timeline accordingly before everything is set in stone. 

Alternatives?

Want to keep the tradition alive, share your emotions privately, calm each other’s nerves, and factor a “first moment” that your timeline allows without actually seeing each other? Easy, peasy! 

A great compromise between a first look and seeing each other at the aisle for the first time is a “back-to-back moment.” Dorry worry, you won’t actually be back to back, but separated by a wall, door, or other divider. This is a great opportunity to be able to talk to one another, possibly hold hands, and give each other some loving thoughts before the ceremony. And, if you choose to privately share your vows or read letters to one another, this is also a wonderful way to do so without physically seeing each other.